If you’ve ever traveled on an airplane, then you’ve heard that you must put your own safety mask on before you help others including small children. Often in the hustle and bustle of the culture we live in, we forget to “put our own mask on first” and take care of ourselves. We take care of our homes, work, and children. Then we are left on empty and maybe not sure how to practice our own care beyond basic needs.
While working with children and families we see parents that sometimes neglect to take care of their own mental wellbeing. When we parents aren’t caring for ourselves, then we might find that we are unable to regulate ourselves. Then, that leads to our children not being able to regulate themselves. It is vitally important that we care for ourselves as well as our children.
We take care of our own mental wellbeing by practicing self-care. Self-care doesn’t have to mean getting a massage, taking a long bath, or spending hours at the gym.
It can be as quick as taking a deep breath, taking a few minutes to laugh, and listening to your favorite artist or podcast during commutes. If you have a parenting partner, take turns to sleep in once a week. Make sleep a priority, and nap while your kids nap once a week, or go to bed when they go to bed instead of staying up and doing other tasks (or scrolling the internet if you are like me).
Seek a community to provide support, even if this is an online parenting support group. A quick search on Facebook shows several parenting support groups for the Wichita area.
You can meet your own needs and incorporate your children by going on a family walk around the neighborhood or at a nearby park. When your kids are coloring, take a few minutes to sit and color alongside of them. If you take a trip to the library as a family and take a few seconds to check out a book of your interests. You can also schedule one night a week without activities and have time for the kids to watch a movie while you join them or use that time to practice self-care through reading or doing an activity like a puzzle, or game.
Try to take a few minutes before you get up in the morning, or before you go to sleep at night, to identify one thing you are grateful for.
What might have been self-care and a peaceful moment before children, might not bring the same sense of joy. Be open to trying new things. Many craft and hobby stores offer kits that are easy to complete in 20 minutes to an hour, which is a nice way to try something new.
The more that you practice caring for yourself, the better you will be at self-regulation; then you can set a positive example for your children.
By Alice Boutz, LMSW – Mental Health Specialist
